I'll stand by you

throw it away, forget yesterday
we'll make the great escape

I sincerely believe that there is a time & season for everything; God and His divine inexplicable timing often don't coincide with the arrangements we plan ourselves, but when they do, it takes your breath away.

This mini trip was one of those times. Although I wasn't physically or mentally struggling with anything, somehow I felt like I needed to get away from the high-rise buildings, congestion & lack of greenery of the city & escape somewhere quiet. In the outskirts of the suburbs area where your thoughts are free to escape the confines of your mind & roam the lush green forest, or when you feel your every knot & tension just slip away when you stand, very quietly, in the middle of the dark & star gaze at the vast velvet sky.

So I thank you God, for blessing me with amazing friends, for keeping me & my family safe; & most of all because even when we struggle to comprehend it, your timing is always perfect.

A quick synopsis of our great escape:

A drove us down to her place in Ringwood, gorgeous secluded area, plenty of trees, hidden away from the bustling streets. You would never run out of oxygen there! Took a long drive out to scout for V's place, overshot our mark, retraced & surprised her at her place. Had a mini photoshoot outback in the garden & played Wii fit! I hope i lost some weight, heh. :) good fun though!

Joined her lovely family for yummy pizzas. Did you know you could have desserts on a pizza? :) If you didn't make sure you try! Spent the night curled up on the couch watching the season finale of Greys, Dan in real life & Beauty & the Beast! Oh was so swept away by the lyrics in the songs (now that I'm actually old enough to understand the words).

Next morning woke up, had breakfast then took a short drive up to a scenic place, something beginning with a W but i can't place the name. Short term memory -.- Anyway had a nice long walk and then A drove me back up to the city.

A short but nonetheless much needed get away, I feel very much refreshed now :)

(: <3

The same deep water as you

lost & insecure,
you found me.

Walking amidst a sea of faceless pedestrians, there is a dull thudding at the back of my head. I could paint the features of the strangers around me in my dreams, yet I recognized not one soul. There is a velvet cloak shielding the sun; ominous bank of dark clouds greeted the eye.

There is a boy yielding a gun. Misfit or misunderstood?
There is a kleptomaniac who owns five estates. Living or lacking?
There is an anorexic, there is an obese. There is a beggar, there is an entrepreneur. There is death, there is life.

Could you change something if you had the chance? I'd like to entertain the thought that is, more importantly, would you?

Some people don't change, but i think it's not that they can't, but rather they wont. You could know a person your entire life, & not know them at all. Love is not love if there are conditions.

Yes, I could paint the features of the people around me in my dreams, but not recognize a single soul.

the wind that blew my heart away

you're so sweet, & you're so smart
you're such a good friend i have to break your heart

they say you should never sell yourself short.

"I'm not that kind of guy. And I don't want to be. So maybe the elite girls just aren't for me. But some day I'm gonna meet a girl, who will really love me. Maybe she won't be what you call hot, but to me she'll be beautiful, & I'll tell her so. I don't want to be mean to her, or have to play games with her. I'll just be the guy she can always count on, & that'll be enough. She'll be elite..to me." -M.M.

Because maybe I just needed another fabrication to tell me that despite what everyone thinks, I believe the world still holds some truth, & just maybe not everything is as bleak as it seems.

"The truth is, there is nothing to be afraid of. It's just life." E.S.

Its.
Just.
Life.
:)

oh weary soul

the heaven's shall declare
the glory of, our Great God

I've probably conjured up one too many posts in my head, about MJ's death, about results, about winter, about mum's trip here, about falling sick. I've had so much I wanted to say, in this tiny space, with the words I would weave to form a story.

But honestly I'm tired. Not just physically and that the flu meds are probably kicking in, but tired of, just settling. Sometimes I wish things were different; I wish I had stepped out of my self-moulded contented shell and grabbed a slice of the world when I could. I still can, then I would wish I had the guts & integrity to do so.

I spend half of my life, literally, wishing for thing's I dont have.

Here, at 12.38am, I'm writing about what matters to me. We only get one shot at this, at life. No do-overs, no summer school; just the years you have to live, & the memories you have to create. George Bernard Shaw once wrote that the two greatest tragedies in life is this: one is to lose your heart's desire, & the other is to gain it.

I want to experience those two greatest tragedies, because it's the only way you'll know you've really lived. Whitey Durham's to do list consisted of this:

Coach basketball for 20 years
Win 500 games
Make a difference.

That's what I want out of life, to know that I've made a difference, however small & insignificant. Things like good grades, important social stature, friends & having a social life, I know, at the end of the day will prevail. But I thank God for placing that still small voice in my heart that every now& then, will yearn for something beyond the physical needs of man, beyond what is physically pleasing to the eye.

The greatest pleasure you will ever know, is knowing that your existence has made a difference in someone else's life.

When spring comes and everything is reborned, so will I. I will strive to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, a better child of God. I will live for the things that matter most; I will reach for the things that will help me make a difference.

No more settling, change is coming.

crunching gravel

she wears short skirts, i wear T-shirts
she's cheer captain & im on the bleachers

cryptic:
He stole her heart in shades of blue; cradled it in the center, caressed it with his gentle smile. He weaved his tender web of desire around her, encapsulating the rhythm of a pulsating beat beneath weakened flesh. He escapes & leaves her to rest, before returning again, motions reversed, history repeats.

She stays with locked fists in his web, yearning. His fleeing shadow froze time, she waits patiently. Then his fist clenched, crippling the soul on his dejected palm. She blinks, and then everything faded to black.

***

despite the cold that invaded my feet and traveled all the way to my now half-frozen toes, there could not have been a warmer feeling than coffee ministry tonight :) somehow i feel describing the details in words does the actual feeling poor justice so i shall just leave it at this, & thank you God :)

i know you don't read this, but thank you for raising me to be the person i am today. thank you for being there 19 years of my life, tall&proud, and that i have the privilege of calling you my father. you (&mum) are the reason why i am pushing through uni, striving to do my best, because you give me inspiration to develop my inner potential to become a better person. You deserve the best, & i promise to work hard so that i too can make you proud.

Happy Father's day daddy.

SO EXAMS ARE oh vee ee are :) mummy is here! so it's goodbye stress & hello discounted stores. I'm excited for winter, & i refuse to let the bone-chilling cold ruin it! AND THE RIDICULOUS SWINE FLU, please. its not even worth it.

on a random note, i am suddenly feeling extremely thankful for supportive friends, those who you know you can count on regardless of the circumstances; those who forgive you & love you despite your flaws, who send you encouraging text's during hair-pulling moments, and those who pick you up when you fall.

thank you friends :) you know who you are. (PLEASE YOU MUST OKAY).

okay, its 1.12am & there is shopping that needs to be done tomorrow so rest calls :) <3

i see your true colours

five, six
pick up sticks

er, hi.

so progress thus far;

microeconomics-major epic flabbergasted mojojojo fail.
quantitative methods-GG.
accounting-er, bad.

social life-nil.

current condition in Melbourne: swine flu capital

i think im doing all right. i dont like it when im this sarcastic though. everyday that dream of exchange just slips that much further out of reach.

rainbow amindst the storm

if she wanna rock she rocks
if she wanna roll she rolls

Dear G,

It's overused phrases like 'I love you' that diminishes the impact of three powerful words, eight significant letters. Those words breathe into every corner, tucked up into the tiny fragments of your life. I know it doesn't seem sincere, but for what it's worth, I love you. :)

The words that aren't said enough, I believe, are "I'm sorry" & "I forgive you". Instead, they simmer low and undetected beneath the surface; hibernating in the weak flesh, an untold secret from our perverse and deprived generation. I know you already know this, but I'm sorry. I can't say I forgive you because there's nothing to forgive.

I wanted to type up more poetic stuff but somehow my brain is lodged, instead floating to the surface is microeconomics theories & QM formulas which I will spare you the agony of having to read them (if i did write them out here that is). But I know you understand, you always do :)

So I hope to talk to you soon, in fact i think i will. :) till then, i'll catch you next time G. x

<3 always,
sumei